Dear Common Ground Friends,
One of the great lessons that life keeps extending, is how vast the expressions of lovingkindness or metta can be. We might notice lovingkindness as warmth of love or care. In other moments we may recognize metta through the absence of hatred. We can also however learn about lovingkindness by noticing what it is not—those moments when the heart tightens, excludes, or gets fired up with rage or fear. Lovingkindness begins when what is here is allowed to belong. This includes learning to feel our experience directly in the body: the heat of anger in the chest, the contraction of fear in the belly, the pervasive ache of hurt. When we allow what is here to be met and tended to, we are already practicing the inclusive quality of metta.
This raises an important question for practice: Can we move through challenge and conflict with friendliness as our guide? Metta does not require the absence of anger, fear, or confusion. Instead, metta invites us to find healthy ways to meet them—our own and others’—within a wider field of care. In the middle of an argument with a loved one, we might pause long enough to feel what is happening in the body and remember that both of us wish to be understood and really don’t know how to navigate the complexity of human needs. Relationships are not always tidy, and sometimes the practice is simply allowing the messy experience of being human together to be messy. There can be metta even in the courage of honesty—when our voice cracks, when we say something vulnerable, when we stay present and speak truthfully even while feeling, well…something more than just calm and clear. In those moments of bravery and tenderness, we begin to learn what the heart is capable of, and how loving friendliness can grow right in the middle of our life and relationships. If you want, please drop me an email and share what you’ve noticed about how metta has shown up for you, in unexpected ways, at surprising times, perhaps in the middle of a mess. shelly@commongroundmeditation.org
Warmly,
Shelly Graf
Co-Guiding Teacher
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Unidos MN
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