Weekly Guiding Teacher Reflection

Dear Common Ground Friends,

I am guessing that I am not alone in experiencing challenges when communicating with those with different points of view. Whenever I feel the impulse to defend a point of view, I often notice the impulse to denigrate the other person’s view. And even though the tone of the interaction may be civil, under the surface I sometimes notice the tension of a shadow war in my heart around wanting to be right! So much of the suffering swirling in our world seems to arise because we lack the skills, wisdom, and compassion to truly meet each other across differences. The Buddha offered what I consider to be both simple and provocative suggestions for wise speech. He taught us to abandon four types of speech: false speech, divisive speech, abusive speech, and idle speech. Here is what the Buddha taught about abandoning divisive speech:

One gives up divisive speech. One doesn't repeat in one place what one has heard in another so as to divide people against each other. Instead, one reconciles those who are divided and supports those who are united, delighting in harmony, loving harmony, speaking words that promote harmony. (AN 10.176)

What makes these instructions challenging is that we love the juiciness of conflict; the self-righteousness of conflict can make us feel alive and real in a way that becomes addicting. I think it is fair to say that we become intoxicated by conflict in ways that make it difficult to honestly connect with the suffering that these attachments set in motion in us and around us. Stacy McClendon, Gabe Keller Flores and I will be leading a workshop on Saturday, April 11, 1:00-4:00pm, in person and on Zoom, to begin to unpack this essential part of our Dharma practice. Thich Nhat Hanh said, "In true dialogue, both sides are willing to change." Click here to register.

Mark Nunberg
Co-Guiding Teacher

P.S. We will be monitoring the weather for this weekend, as the forecast calls for snow Saturday evening through Sunday. The teen group on Sunday morning is cancelled; check our online calendar for any more cancellations.